i'm weird da ba dee da ba dah

so can i just start off by saying that i went 5 days without a single soda, diet or regular?! i was so freakin proud of myself that i had to go get a diet dr pepper today to celebrate. shit. gotta start over again. but i cant even begin to describe how necessary that beverage was. to say that i had a hellacious day at work would be an understatement. itd be like saying "ice cream is ok." when CLEARLY everyone knows that ice cream is freaking amazing and one bite of it just makes you wanna go run to the top of the empire state building and scream to the world how much you love ice cream, while beating on your chest like king kong...because king kong is the only thing thats ever climbed up the empire state building and went ape shit. literally. HA. i mean i love ice cream. i dont know if id take it that far, but maybe if it were the right kind, WHO KNOWS. anyways, today was rough. if i wouldnt be bored & financially pitiful without my job, i wouldve quit. but i didnt. cuz i like dat cash flowww, ya digg? haha JUST kidding with that skreet language. :) so yes, i shall restart my soda-less life tomorrow, because i obviously need to ween myself off of so much caffeine. as it makes me cray CRAY. like more than i am normally. its scary. and can be disturbing.


so, today when i was headbanging my way home today to Bassnectar's remix of Ellie Goulding's "Lights" AKA one of the crunkest songs ever. like seriously. get it. crank your bass up. and rock your freaking toe socks off. its legitly amazing, (ps--im not sure what just happened with my sentence, my grammar just got royally effed up. was that a clause? im not sure. anyways), i was thinking about a lot of things. but one of the main things was that i am freaking weird. like seriously. im not afraid to admit it. i have really strange tendencies and things. so now i would like to discuss. with whoever the heck is taking their sweet--obviously bored to death--time reading this.


windshield wipers. if it is raining, i am that nerdy biatch with the overzealous windshield wipers acting up on like frenzy speed in a slight drizzle. DONT JUDGE ME i have my reasons. 1) i cant see worth shit. like literally, i am ordered by my optometrist to wear glasses at all times while driving. do i? heck no. cuz im also stubborn as a mule. so i will just crank up the wipers and roll on. 2) my windshield is constantly disgustingly filthy. this also has its reasons...i rarely wash my car, when i wash my car i obviously dont do it correctly, and i live on the worlds longest gravel driveway so keeping my car clean is basically mission impossible. and 3) i like to watch the raindrops go flinging across my windshield and pick out 2 streams to "Race"..(i know, im a weirdo). ALSO on this topic, i will not get out of my car unless the wipers are turned off and in their correct laying down position. those people who leave them at half-mass ERK the crap out of me. whyyyyy would you do that? they;re so awkward! and they make me uncomfortable.


sheets. first of all, fitted sheets can go to hell for all i care. i think they were created to be impatient & easily frustrated people's worst nightmare. HOW THE HECK DO YOU EVEN FOLD THEM? i know how i do, i gather them up & then go spaz-mode on them bad boys & roll them into a "ball" & stuff them in their correct storage location. gah they aggravate me. and putting them ON the bed?! just as annoying. here you are trying to tuck in corner 3, and POOF there goes corner 1 flying off the bed. restart. GEEZ. i dont have time for this, i want to sleeeeeeep. this is why i never wash sheets at night. they must be done in the am or the early afternoon AT THE LATEST. because bet i wont sleep my happy ass on the couch or floor before i try to put on sheets at 10:30pm when i'm delusionally tired & about cracked out. I WILL. i hate sheets.


preying mantis's. creepiest insects ever. they are the aliens of the bug world. what is their point? what ARE they? other than spiders (which in case i havent mentioned, i am petrified of. they totally FREAK me out. and theres no such thing as a little spider. theyre all big and terrifying!), they are the worlds scariest insects. and im not even sure if they bite? or pinch? or what? what the heck are those chip-clip-looking hands of theirs? weird. enough said on that. i find them very puzzling.


passwords. i have like 2-3 passwords that i use for everything. mostly just the 1, but the other 2 are used for certain things. anyways, i hate when a website is all demanding like "you have to use a number, a capital letter, a lowercase letter, a symbol, a hieroglyphic, a haiku, an accented letter, and an animal sound". like WTF how can i think of a password that involves all that?! & type it? and REMEMBER it? calm down now. if anyone hacked my shit, theyd be highly disappointed because im not rich or that exciting. so let me have me "low security" password and get off my back about it you overprotective website! geeeez. also, and i KNOW im not the only one on this, if i mess up--or even THINK i messed up---1 character in my password, the whole damn things getting deleted and im starting over. i dont know why i do this, and it even bothers me that i do this, but i cant help it. im highlighting and hitting backspace faster than i can process anything except for ERROR ERROR.


music ruts. i am such a music junkie. like i am OBsessed with music. and i cant even begin to name my favorite band, song, or genre. my iPod is all.over.the.place. i mean one minute im feeling all gangster listening to Lil Wayne, then next thing ya know im reliving my childhood with "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, then we're screaming & angry with Breaking Benjamin, then i'm heartbroken with Adele, next im bringing back the 90s with Sister Hazel, then i'm feeling magical with Coldplay's new cd, and we'll end out this set with a little Miley Cyrus "The Climb" (who i really love and im not afraid to admit it!! judge me all you want!). i mean whoaaaa man, and im not even sure that's a random-enough example. just press shuffle and you will soon-after have a "Wtf?" on your forehead. but anyways, back to my point, i get in these weird little ruts--usually on a weekly basis. i will have either a certain little playlist or a certain band/artist that i listen to over and over and over and over again all week...and nothing else. its strange. but oh well. sometimes it depends on my mood, but sometimes its just a random group of songs that im overly in love with that week. this weeks is pretty fun. i just dont feel like naming them all. i will throw one out though...florence & the machine's "shake it out"...listen to it first thing in the morning, either while getting ready or driving to school/work, and i guarantee you will feel so happy and awesome, if only for a little while. BET.


ok thats all the weirdnesses i feel like talking about right now. but lastly, since the weather is changing, i just have a few things to say. take it as advice, threats, constructive criticism, i dont care. but its important. and shouldnt be taken lightly.


GIRLS: 

1. oversized furry vests are not ok. especially not in pastel colors. (i literally saw this out in public last night. i was embarassed for her. and the worst part was, it wasnt even cold outside. like barely even chilly. and here she was, looking like a depressed polar bear out in public. bless her heart. and winter wardrobe.)
2. uggs are boots lined with fur. (as so perfectly described by Flo-Rida in his debut single) they are hot. they are for very cold weather. therefore, they should not be worn with skirts or ridiculously short shorts. or any shorts for that matter. you are an Eskihoe if you wear this. or just a Hoe doing the walk of shame. either way, unacceptable.
3. for the umpteenth time, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. i will not elaborate. but i will also throw this out (and its sad it even needs to be addressed, but i swear i have unfortunately seen it), opague tights are DEFINITELY not pants. wear something that at least covers yo ass.
4. winter! time to wear black! all the time! bust out the black yall, its acceptable on a daily basis now that weve entered the time of seasonal depression! WOOHOO love it

BOYS

1. do.not.wear.socks.with.sandals. only football players and basketball players wear their big ol socks with the slide-on adidas flipflops. and im not saying thats acceptable. but it is more acceptable for their big athletic selves way more than it is for you. just dont do it. throw on some tennishoes. it aint that dang hard. 
2. dont wear black socks with shoes. im not quite sure what is up with this trend, but it makes you look like a total f**ktard. who is blind. someone please find the origin of this little deal and hurt them!
3. PUT AWAY THE PASTELS. thank the Lord, no more baby pink, baby blue, colorful pants/shorts, and purple! one of my favorite parts of winter. we wont be seeing most of this crap until the annual March easteregg shitshow also known as the Carolina Cup. which also looks like the easter bunny puked all over 85% of the guys there and they loved it. im not a fan of that whole look myself. but to each his own (patchwork lilly pulitzer bowtie and belt). 
4. always wear enough outerwear downtown for you and someone else. because there is almost a 100% chance that a girl will need your jacket at some point in the night. because we still like to dress like total idiots and wear tank tops and short sleeves in the dead of winter. why? i dont knowwwww, but thats just how the cookie crumbles, so LAYER UP. please and thank you.

so that is all i have to say about life at this very moment. other than the fact that I HATE THIS TIME CHANGE. like i am seriously ready to go to bed....and its 7:45 pm. UNACCEPTABLE. i do NOT like getting home from work in the dark. what the heck man? although i do think that i will be very well-rested for these first few weeks..err, months...until i get used to it. which is normally a couple weeks before its time to "spring forward." apparently i dont adapt well. well thats officially it, im off to cozy up in my pjs and watch Horrible Bosses and laugh my bootay off. (i heard its hilarious, and i was even trippin watching the previews, so im obviously stoked).


PEACE

Don't trust a hoe, never trust a hoe

Hi. So you may be saying "what the French toast is up with that title?" (ps im trying to clean up my potty mouth, so fully expect to see weird sayings such as the one above a lot now...and yes I'm pulling many of them from orbit commercials. Because their slogan is exactly what I wanna do...clean up my 'dutty mouth'--with a British accent. This also may go down as the longest parenthesized chunk of words, ever. And I also may or may not have jus made up the word 'parenthesized'. I'm not sure.) ...anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, the title. Well today I was thinking random thoughts...as I am 96.8% of the time (or more), and started thinking about weird things people do that I don't like. So this somehow got twisted into my head as people I dont trust. It all started with the idea of wearing socks to bed. If you do this, I don't trust you. It's as simple as that. You may be the most honest and trustworthy person in the world, but I mean, you wear socks to bed so lets just keep it real here...you're weird and can't be trusted. So then I thought I could spin all this into one cluster fudge (no profanity) of a blog & just roll with t. But of course I needed an appropriate title so that song instantly came to my head...and here we are. I can't remember the name but I think it also mentions Helen Keller, which is amazing, so I had to keep it. But you really shouldn't ever trust a hoe. You'll only end up with a broken heart, 18 years of child support, or chlamydia. (gah that word is just nasty enough). So yeah, don't trust hoes.

On to the next, on on to the next one(s):
-people who drink raspberry tea
-people who wear aerosol spray deodorant. (wtf is that?! Its like you're hairspray-ing your armpits. Weirdo )
-people who drive under the speed limit (obvious reasons. I think I've made myself very clear on my road rules)
-women who wear lip liner
-people who are over the age of 21 & have initials (specifically the Curlz font) on their back windshield
-men who drive minivans, with or without their wives & kids (grow a pair & get an suv you poonanny)
-people who eat brussel sprouts, beets, &/or liver...and claim to like it
-people who dry every piece of clothing they own (not proper clothing care people!)
-eskihoes
-foreigners who know English but speak really fast & sketchily in their native language, while looking at you. (stop smack talking in a language I don't know!)
-people who drive smart cars. You're not smart, you're an unpractical moron who isn't making as big of an impact on the world as the truck thats gonna make an accordion out of your toy car in a matter of seconds
-people who wear tattoo necklaces (so 3rd grade. In the 90s. Get your own trend)
-any creepstar guy that makes noises like he's eating at Ruth's Chris. (for example: mmmmm, DAYum, yeahhh). Go away. You belong at club kryptonite.
-people who don't like water. HUH? It's called hydration. Get some.
-Netflix. If you cancel your subscription, they will harass you with endless emails. I'm about 2 away from a restraining order.
-people who sleep with their closet &/or bedroom door(s) open. SCREW that. I'm too afraid of the boogy man for that ish
-women who don't have their ears pierced & guys who do. There's something very wrong here.
-the wicked witch. I mean obviously! She was wicked, had a huge mole, & needed to go on What Not To Wear with those stockings and shoes, ong
-squirrels. They may seem cute but those potentially rabid little beasts could tear you UP...while gathering acorns
-people who wear a lot of pastels. Especially together. Don't get me started on the frat daddies who think its perfectly acceptable to wear mint green pants with yellow chicks on then with a baby blue button up & a baby pink bowtie. Oh and don't forget he plaid sperries! (shoot me now. Did the Easter bunny vomit on you? What happened? Seriously. WEAR BLACK)
-alarm clocks. By all means never count on one. Biggest mistake of your life. Plan ahead like me and set not one or two, but 4. Youll wake up eventually. You're welcome.

Ok well I can't think anymore now because I'm tired. Goodnight. And sorry for the abruptness

think happy thoughts before you read this. it's for your own good.

SO i've shockingly-yet-awesomely been asked a lot lately (and please excuse my grammar in this strange sentence) (well, actually, if you're the grammar police you can suck it anyways cuz for the most part, that's just annoying)  when i'd write another blog. so HERE YA GO you curious little jokers. I'm baaaaaaaack :) get excited and do the chicken dance. well, preferably the wobble. i love the wobble. it's so fun. and so white-people-friendly due to its nonexistent need for rhythm and supreme dance skills. aka, perfect for me. 


so i was trying to think of a theme for this little post, ya know, in all my free time of PURE AND COMPLETE BOREDOM. well besides the 8 1/2 working hours and commuting time. still plenty of time to be old and bored. which is what i've turned into. it is quite eerie and somewhat disturbing how much my life has changed in recent weeks/months and how fast it all happened. if you know me pretty well, you understand what i mean. 


so back to the theme....i've begun to notice even more that the combination of my lack of patience, easily aggravated factor, almost constant tiredness, outspoken-ness, and sarcastic mind...adds up to make me seem--and maybe be--a total biatch. which yes, i'll admit i can be. but i am also one big bag of totally retarded fun and laughter. but the latter is not really the point. the point is, i figured i'd just bitch it out. but also throw in some childhood references. because if you've yet to make a twitter account...& then follow 90's Girls Problems...you haven't fully experienced life and relived the awesomeness that was our kid years, in the best decade since that of Woodstock...the 1990s.


anyways, let the bitchin begin. DING DING DING! (that's the bell noise they make at wrestling matches)

• well while we're at it, let's just mention wrestling real quick. that is the gayest sport known to man. i don't care what you say. guys putting on spandex outfits and rolling their asses around in each others face for foreverrrrr is GAY. and only the "manliest of all mans" seem to do it, so either a) they're afraid to come out of the closet or b) they sucked at sports that require running, jumping, etc.
• i know i talk about driving a lot, but it's because i drive a lot. and i have intense road rage. but its mainly due to the idiocy of the other people! you will find more maniacs on the interstate between the hours of 7:30 am & 9 am than you would see in an entire day at the mental health place on bull street. just move out of my way if youre driving slow in the fast lane, dont ride my ass--cuz you KNO i dont drive slow, dont ride down the road with your signal on, and dont tap your brakes the entire drive.....& I WILL LIKE YOU & maybe even smile :-) cheeseeee
• you know what's really aggravating? people who talk really slow or repeat themselves 50 times during a conversation. i deal with this alllll theeee timeeee with answering phones at work. i mean i know i talk at "65 miles per hour" according to one old man, but there is no reason to talk "1.4 miles per hour" I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT! or patience. "heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, my     name     is     marrrrrthaaaaaaa.         howwww      areee    youuuuuuuu?" OH. MY. GOD. kill me now. i will probably put you on hold immediately if you start out with that. and then once we get through the hour long introduction, get your appointment set up/changed, questions answered, etc., PLEASE dont launch back into all your explanations again. I DONT CARE. i promise. just please let me off the phone so i can bang my impatient head on the keyboard. and take a chug of diet mountatin dew. wishing there was some alcohol in it. 
• also on that subject, apparently i don't enunciate well. not sure if its a me thing or a lancaster thing (as we all apparently also have "our own accent"...according to outsiders), but people dont understand me. i am called so many different names on a regular basis on the phone. among the list: jamie (well i mean obviously some people get it), jane, janie, jenny, shanie, and the best.....shamie) WHO THE HECK would name their kid SHAMIE? or shanie? dear lord. 

ok i think thats enoughin betchin'. before people start to think i'm a purebred biatch. you know you get frustrated too. i just needed to vent for a second. online. for people to read. but whatever. if  you're reading this...and have lasted to this point.. (HEYY!!)....you obviously arent too disgusted or offended by my negativity. i am a very positive person a lot of the time, believe it or not. maybe tomorrow i'll write a post that's SO positive that your computer radiates SUNSHINE because it's SO happy. yeah, not likely. but whatever. (ps: if your computer does radiate anything, you might wanna get that checked out. and i'd be willing to bet it's a Dell. because Dells suck. i should know. i'm typing on one right now. and hating it with every letter i press. freakin Dell.)

i shall go do something productive and uplifting now. such as watch Scooby Doo. (seriously, it's on tv. and i fully plan on not changing the channel. do. not. hate.) tomorrow i shall carve my pumpkin. my awkwardly awesome pumpkin. i LOVE it. and the little white one i bought. and the even smaller orange one i bought. its like a Motley Crew of pumpkins. i got a little carried away at the pumpkin patch. DONT JUDGE ME, IT WAS FOR A GOOD CAUSE. 

holla. go back to your fun lives now. thank you for taking precious time to read this. if you made it this far. :-)

WHAT IS HAPPENING

ok first off, i figured it's been a while since my last little post, and i've had some eventful things take place since then. of course. so i shall share a few. mainly because im bored. but partly because i think they're share-worthy. but whoever is reading this can be the judge of that.


if you're wondering what my title is about...here it goes. i am not sure what has happened to my life and im not sure i like it. the real world really sucks. and im not even like fully submerged in the real world what with endless bills and all, but still, it BLOWS. i have to go to bed freaking early at night so that i can wake up freaking early in the morning without being so freaking tired. and im usually still tired...chugging a diet dr pepper or coffee while driving down the road listening to either Ace & TJ or morning music such as Spice Girls (that was this morning). but what i've found to be really effective is party music. like the so over-played-but-still-get-you-crunk-and-you-love-it "No Hands." there i am, half asleep, bopping around at 8 am, semi-happy with life. the right music and caffeinated beverage(s) are KEY to starting a morning right. so anyways, then im at work running around all day till 5:00. oh but dont let me forget about my 30 minute lunch break. WTF IS THAT?! i cant even fix a drink, heat up my nasty ass lean cuisine, and check my email in 30 minutes. damnnn. so there i am, scarfing down my food in the stank break room all crowded around this table with people i dont really know. niiiiiiiice. so needless to say, as always, im socially awkward. but im getting better. i actually like the people there. pretty cool. so then i get off, go home, watch tv, eat dinner, and maybe go walk/run/play tennis, and then DAMN im tired again, and its off to bed. just to start it all over again. THIS SUCKS. HOW DO ADULTS DO THIS FOR 30+ YEARS?! im freaking out man. and im just getting started with this whole work thing. ah durn. buttttt this also leads me to the paychecks. ahh yes, 40 hours a week + getting paid every friday = an awesome thing. however, knowing me & my tendency to spend money like its going out of MF'in style, this is gonna become a problem. i mean i went shopping this weekend, stopped by a store on the way home today, and plan to go back later this week. I MAY NEED AN INTERVENTION. but i may or may not be willing to participate. 


so i basically said all that to say I WANNA GO BACK TO COLLEGE. why oh whyyyy did i not go for the 5 year plan? shit, even 4 1/2 years?! i would literally run over a squirrel at full speed if it would in some very disturbing way, let me go back to college. so carefree and awesome. life was a neverending nap & party. thank god im kinda naturally smart & didnt have to study my ass off like those poor people who live/eat/sleep/breathe at the thomas cooper. but then again, my "give a fu*k" factor was about in the negative's by my senior year. oh well. i made it. but im not happy about it. 


1 of the most eventful things i experienced lately was olivias wedding the other weekend. the drive TO the wedding was hilarious and that 24 hour period will require a blog post in and of itself. that shall come soon. as will the pictures i took. YES i took pictures. shocking, i know. thats a rare occasion. cuz im usually too busy getting crunk or doing whatever to even worry about capturing every kodak moment. psshh. but there are MANY kodak moments coming from that event..just wait. haha. 


ok i have appeared to have drawn a blank on everything. actually a show i like is coming on. so i shall finish this later. or actually start. being as i got absolutely NOWHERE with this whole post. oh well. so sorry if you've read it. and have reached this point, hoping that i will have a purpose somewhere. but STOP here...cuz there is no purpose. i promise. maybe later. HOLLA

proof that everything doesn't bother me

so i figured after posting that extensive list of my 'pet peeves' the other day, that i should probably show i'm not the world's most irritable human being. so i've created a list of things i like/love/make me happy. so here it goes. and i've left plenty of stuff out that i just can't think of right now. see? i really am a happy person :-) most of the time...haha

• revolving doors
• clean sheets
• payday
• turquoise. my favorite color
• sitting in booths at restaurants. i just don't like tables.
• chapstick
• when i get a really big score on WWF
• seeing other people get pulled over. just keep those blue lights awayyy from my car. 
• music. just music in general. i cant begin to name my favorite artists b/c they're so random & many. music just makes me happy. in the car. at home. at gym (when i go). anywhere. unless it's country. then i'm anti-happy.
• blue jeans
• being barefoot. esp in grass. without anthills or anything prickly.
• playing board games. or basically any games. but not video games. except a few on the wii (i.e. guitar hero, mario kart, etc.). i loveee apples to apples & the game of things. & catchphrase.
• sweet tea. chickfila's is always on pointtt, as far as fast food goes. and i'm really picky about my tea. trust me.
• when im approaching a stoplight & there's no one in front of me, but there is someone sitting in the other lane at the red light, but it turns green so i just fly by them. lol i love it
• ice cream. my weakness.
• monkeys. penguins. baby giraffes. clown fish. baby koalas. teacup pigs. that's my extensive list of favorite animals/fish.
• ...oh, & seahorses. how can you NOT love them? they're freaking adorable & awesome
• old school disney movies. my 3 favs are Aladdin, Little Mermaid, & Peter Pan. but i have em all. on vhs. and a book. and twin sheets. & other various merchandise & toys & bikes. i was a disney gangster kid
• the fresh clean feeling you get right after washing your face & brushing your teeth before bed
• not wearing makeup. i may look a hot mess, but gah i love fresh face. & putting on makeup is just hella aggravating anyways
• a billion wall posts, texts, & phone calls on your birthday
• well, basically my birthday in general. its always a big event. and i love it.
• whoever invented ponytail holders. & ponytail holders. lifeeesaverrr
• swimming in the ocean
• being tan
• finding sharks teeth on the beach
• naps
• being sarcastic
• when im in the car by myself. so i can sing as loud & horrible as i want. or try and get serious without anyone judging me. but then realize i still really sound like crap.
• days that i dont have to set an alarm for the morning
• tailgating for football games
• being so hyper &/or deliriously tired that i think everything is funny
• acting like a total retarded weirdo
• looking at the bottom of my receipt at the grocery store & seeing that i saved a lot using my MVP card
• looking at old pictures
• talking about old funny stories. like we did the other day about us in high school. haaaa WOW. 
• free stuff. and not like the crap. like good stuff. like free cheese dip on wednesdays at san joses. lol. priorities.
• sam's club. it's just a massive warehouse of bulk-size awesomeness. & they have samples.
• thunderstorms. esp if its when im sleeping or ab to go to sleep. but not when i have to be outside. that just pisses me off. & whoever invented umbrellas is an idiot...they have METAL. wth?
• painting & coloring (but preferably with skinny markers)
• when i drop something or almost fall, & i go into ninja mode & amaze myself by catching it/myself. or when i have crazy ninja reflexes. kinda same thing. 
• being on the elevator by myself. it just gets so awkward with other people. esp if its just 1 other. but a lot of ppl is kinda ok.
• that moment in a restaurant when you see your food coming
• not having to wait in line. anywhere. i have zero patience
• when i dont put money in a parking meter & still dont get a ticket
• high fives. esp with both hands. so enthusiastic. so awesome.
• good hair days. rare.
• when i check my bank account & the balance is higher than i thought itd be
• making other people laugh/smile
• movies. all kinds. im a huge movie fanatic. 
• the cold side of the pillow
• old-school nickelodeon cartoons. and "one saturday morning" cartoons (umm Recess..YES)
• slides. and swings. but not tire swings. they make me sick
• roller coasters. but not the old rickety ones. the newer legit ones (top gun, borg, etc.)
• christmas morning seeing what santa brought. & yep, i still get santa. & i'm proud.
• the funny things little kids & toddlers say. where do they get 1/2 that stuff??
• saying my prayers before bed at night
• magazines. mainly to look at the clothes & read funny stories (if they have em)
• the crossword puzzles in People. and sudoku puzzles
• going to buy school supplies. this is the first year since i was 5 that i cant do it. and im depressed. i may go anyways. that was my favorite part of school
• good quotes. esp inspiring ones.
• getting mail. even if it is junk mail. (not email...like old school snail mail). & a package? WOO they're really exciting. but rare. 
• hats. i love em. perfect for bad hair days but can be cute too. 
• carolina gamecocks & lsu tigers. my teams.
• when i see a train coming but i get past the tracks before those bars start coming down
• sucking helium out of balloons & talking like a chipmunk
• cake batter/cookie dough. better than the actual stuff.
• when i get a new air freshener in my car
• toys of the 90s (skip it, pogs, giga pets, etc....just NOT furby. aggravating creature thing)
• the big birthday sleepovers i used to have every year
• when im cold & get my laundry out of the dryer & theyre all warm so i hold on to em for a second. lol
• butterflies

so yeah. thats extensive too. and im just tired & sick of thinking now so im going to bed. that's that. my life has been disappointingly typical the past 2 days. no crazy stories. i'm sure i'll have some soon. holla!

-J

filling in a couple blanks

Ok so I've been asked about my 2 traumatic childhood events that i mentioned in my pet peeves list. About gasoline & escalators. Totally unrelated though...never fear! However, I am scarred from both.


Gasoline:
this unfortunate event is all my mothers fault. i'm just gonna go ahead and say it. not that i haven't already told her that multiple times already...but thats not the point. sooo, i'm 5 years old. that's right. FIVE. as in kindergardner who cant even multiply or write in cursive yet. my mom & i are en route to drop me off at my babysitters, when she for some UNKNOWN reason, gets the bright idea to let me pump the gas. for the first time ever. at the ripe age of FIVE. so i grab the nozzle, & attempt to put it in the gas tank, but i miss of course b/c the thing is almost as big as i am. & b/c she gave me little-to-no directions, i'm pressing the lever...& gas is going everywhere BUT the gas tank. i lose control & it starts spraying all over myself, the car, & the ground. Then my mom finally notices the situation when she gets out of the car & i began to spray her down, by accident ;) so she eventually grabs the thing & cuts it off. i am now the most highly flammable kindergardner in lancaster county. we attempt to "bathe" me with wet paper towels in the stank texaco bathroom, mom fills up the tank herself (thank GOD gas wasnt as expensive as it is now, because i wasted a lot..i mean a lot. hope no one threw any lit cigs on the ground later.), and we head to babysitters. who looks at my mother as an abusive parent when i come in wet & REEKING of gasoline. so that was that. i dont think i pumped gas again until at least middle school. lesson learned for mother.

Escalator:
so the elevator experience was a little later. i was still elementary school, probably 7-8 yrs old. the whole family (well except the guys, obviously) was at the mall for christmas shopping & to take our pictures with santa claus. we're in one of those department stores, probably freakin Belk's. gah i hate that store. anyways, we were about to go upstairs, so of course i ran ahead as i'm always ready to move on to the next place. everyone was getting ready to get on the elevator, so i went ahead..but like a dang retard, i only put 1 foot on the escalator. i turn around to see them standing there talking about how to get a stroller on the escalator, when i realize my leg is moving up the escalator without the rest of my body. so here i am, being stretched into a full split (thank god for childhood flexibility), when i start screaming at my mom to help me. whyyyyy i didnt just move my other leg, i. dont. know., but it eventually made it so i rode to the 2nd floor just casually doing a split on the escalator...but really freaking the heck out. SO, that event (combined w/the fact that my mom always said escalators would suck you into where those green lights are if you didnt jump off at the end...WHO TELLS A CHILD THAT?) kept me riding elevators only (or taking stairs) for a few years.

i never realized i had so many problems with things

so as i drove to cola at the buttcrack of dawn this morning, i encountered many things that annoyed me. mainly for 2 reasons: 1) i'm not exactly the most pleasant person in the am hours. pretty irritable. esp when i have to drive an hour. to work. when i'd rather be sleeping. 2) i have road rage. and basically zero patience for anything i don't like while i'm driving. .

so since my iPod thing wasnt working worth a flying crap, i thought up a quite extensive list of pet peeves of mine. and this made me realize that there is a LOT of stuff that gets on my nerves. lol

well here it goes, in no particular order:
-slow drivers
-tractor trailer trucks in the fast lane
-cars in the fast lane who still won't get over even though 7 cars have passed them
-cops
-wet grass on my feet (if im barefoot or wearing sandals)
-when my sheets come untucked at the end of my bed
-really yankee accents
-when people walking around or in front of you blow cigarette smoke in your face. well, just cigarette smoke in general actually.
-assholes
-liars
-people who are cocky. esp the people who have absoLUTEly no reason to be cocky in the first place.
-girls who act ditzy and stupid around guys
-people who take pictures of themselves in the mirror
-when my waitress refills my cup but there are only 2 little ice cubes in there
-the smell of gas (this relates to a traumatic childhood event)
-going to get gas. esp when bums come up asking for money
-when someone calls/texts you, & you call/text right back & get no response. what the heck is that
-when commercials get obnoxiously loud
-when i finally get comfy on the couch or in bed, then realize i cant find the remote
-when my phone dies & i have no way to charge it anytime soon. this happens often cuz my phones a P.O.S
-when i actually put money in a parking meter, but get to my car only to find a parking ticket. that was written 2 minutes after it ran out.
-columbia trains. THEY COME AT THE WORST TIMES OF DAY
-the day i have to leave the beach
-when im having a really good hair day but dont even have anywhere to go that day. then the day i have somewhere important to go, a really bad hair day.
-people who +yp3 L!k3 di$
-people who use their facebook statuses to vent ab a certain person. grow a pair & tell it to their face you little loser.
-when a kid i kept at north elementary after school program is asking to be my friend on facebook. they probably had to lie about their age to even create an account
-tattle-tales. snitches get stitches.
-really judgemental people. mostly because theyre usually the ones with the most f'ed up lives and problems anyways. mind your own business
-spiders. they only exist to terrorize me, im convinced. as well as preying mantis's. i mean good lord theyre just creepy as hell looking.
-smackers. dear lord were you raised in a barn? close your mouth.
-spam email. thank you but im not an idiot. there is no $500 check in the mail for me.
-when i'm trying to drink the last sips out of my cup, and a huge ice chunk attacks my face
-when it's my birthday & people are singing to me before i blow out my candles, and i am so awkward because i dont know what to do
-when i wake up 10 minutes before my alarm goes off & can't go back to sleep
-when my leg falls asleep & i cant walk right so i look like a retard
-that moment when you know it's time to get out of the shower, but it's winter & you know you're about to be in a mild state of hypothermia for a little while
-when i forget its winter, i'm already running late, & i have to awkwardly scrape ice off my windshield and windows with whatever i can find in the morning b/c i forgot to crank my car early
-escalators. they freak me out. (also related to another traumatic childhood event)
-when there's nothing to eat in the fridge or cabinets so i just keep going back & opening & shutting them like somethings gonna magically appear
-those people who have to bring themselves or their bf/gf up in every part of your conversation
-when you're in a store with your friend(s) & you continue to talk to them, but they arent there anymore so you get awkward looks from the person who is there
-people whose "middle name" on facebook is a ghetto phrase (i.e. Sheema bitchiwillcutyou Robinson)
-when you legitly fall asleep in class, then do that awkward spaz jump & wake up & people look at you like youre crazy
-walmart. WHY DO YOU HAVE 30 AISLES WHEN THERE'S ONLY A MAX OF 3 EVER OPEN
-when i go to the store & spend way too much money & still manage to forget what i went to get in the first place
-talking on the phone. i just dont like it. unless its too lengthy or serious to talk about via text message.
-when i text really fast & select the wrong person, but i sends faster than i can cancel it
-when i think i see someone i know, so i wave real big &/or shout "heyyy!"....its not them.
-when my iPod transmitter in my car cant find a good station so i have to listen to my music with static in the background
-cats. kittens are fine. cats are not.

yeahhh i sound like such a complainer and the sad thing is, i have more. but i'll think of an "anti-pet-peeve" list & do it soon..because other than these highly aggravating things (which i know almost all of these bother others, so, whatever), im one of the most laidback people i know. despite my random bursts of hyperactivity (usually when i'm really tired & just get deliriously retarded acting....or if im on caffeine overload). k thats all byee :-)

oh. but 1 more thing to add. *when people pull out in front of me* this happens ALL THE TIME. i think theres a sign on my car that i just cant see that says "heyyy i'm cool, just go on ahead, i won't mind at all. and if you drive slow, please go on ahead. i'll love it." i dont know who put that sign there, but its gotta go. becasue this morning, a lawn mower pulled out in front of me. A. LAWN. MOWER. and not even john deere. i think it was like cub cadet. WTH. i was going over 60 mph, are you trying to die today paw paw? dont think so. better be glad i had no one beside me so i could get over real quick like. daaaaang. (phew. sorry. i had not let go of that event yet. i'm done. foreal. happy thoughts. i'm going to get water & play WWF now. ---employee of the month, that's me.)